Summer

The 1st time I saw you I was eating an egg mcmuffin. I was a terrible eater back then. It's amazing that I even stopped for a fast food breakfast. I was nervous about the 1st day of school. A new bunch of kindergartners. A new year. I had butterflies in my stomach. And halfway through my sandwich you show up a half hour early for school. Your "mom and dad" said you were so anxious so they had to bring you early.

And one day they said, "Do you know anyone who would take care of her if we couldn't" and I didn't hesitate to answer, "I will."

I was pregnant for my 1st child at the time. My husband was out of the state hunting elk. And when he came home I didn't know how to tell him. Should I just say, "Hey, by the way, I offered to adopt a 5 year old today."

And when I did tell him he said, "I think I need to get to know her first. Maybe we can take her on vacation."

And so it began. There is more that I could say. But quite frankly, I'm just not ready to tell the tales. So much of it is very painful for me. The last conversation we had when you were 6 before you were taken from me. The time I saw you at the mall when I didn't even know you were back. How hurt I was...the pain I endured as I watched you grow up. Today you said, "How do you remember that?"

Haha. How do I remember that? How do I remember the boy you were with at a concert? I remember because I care. I watch what you do. Everything you do. I love you. I worry about how you are dressing, what boy you are dating...I worry every day about you. I always have and I always will.

I am not your biological mother. I am not even your guardian. But to me, you are like my daughter. You are the daughter I was supposed to have. I will always love you. I will always watch out for you. You are incredibly special. My heart was broken when you didn't become my own. But you will always be a part of me. I really enjoyed tonight. I wanted to scoop you up and make your life all better. I want to make everything perfect for you. But I can't.

What I can do is make you a promise. (And I do not make promises lightly!) I promise you, my beautiful girl, that I will be here for you. I am not perfect. And I have made a ton of mistakes. But I will be here for you. No matter where you go. No matter what happens. I am here. And I will do whatever it takes to protect you. Love you always, sweet, sweet girl.