Today is a tough day. Everyone is so caught up in the craziness that happened in Connecticut. As a parent of elementary children, I feel so many of these emotions. And since I am also a homeschooling mom, I keep hearing comments from people, "Oh, you must feel so much safer because you homeschool."
Well, that is NOT why we homeschool. And I'm actually not ready to address any of the current events. They are very painful and my heart goes out to the families.
Today was a challenging day for us not only because we were so sad for the families who were enduring such a tragedy but because in our own little world, we were battling. My boys had their first wrestling tournament of the season today and it was on home turf. They both wrestled last night for a dual meet and did fairly well. But today we had to report at 8am. So I was 2 cups of coffee in and still running late when we finally made it to the tourney. Of course hubby was there at 7:30, good coach that he is, and wifey was trailing behind to feed hungry boys french toast sticks and sausage links. L1 had a bye and L2 won his match. A few more coffees later and yes, I did serve young children hot dogs at 9 AM (I pleaded with them to take a banana!) and we were ready for battle. L1 took a loss. It was tied and he fought...but lost. So we had to rush to throw on his shin guards and go to his soccer finals.
I wish I could tell you all that this has meant to him. This kid...started soccer at 4. We didn't know you had to try out for the travel team so we weren't there. He wasn't on the travel team in 3rd grade. The other kids picked on him in school. All he wanted to do was make that team. So he practiced and practiced and when try-outs came in June, he was ready. But he still wasn't good enough. And when I picked him up he said, I sucked. He asked to try out again. And I said, We'll just practice harder.
So we jumped the fence. We broke into the soccer field and we kicked those soccer balls for all we were worth! L2 played goalie and we kicked and we kicked. On Monday, he tried out again. That kid made the team. BUT, he made the younger team. So those kids who picked on him were on the older team and he was on the younger team. And he never started. But he never quit. And when he said, I'm not good enough. They don't play me. I said, make every second you play count. They will see.
That team made the finals. Against whom? You guessed it...the very team he didn't make. His peers. Those same boys who told him he wasn't good enough. And he played on the younger team. And as the oldest boy, he didn't even start. And he had to lose a wrestling match before those finals. So this 9 year old has to go onto a field playing for the younger team, against his peers and he has blood on his arm from where he just lost a wrestling match...but he went out there anyway...and he missed a goal and my heart sunk...I wanted to cry and scream...but that boy...he came in 2nd...he faced those boys. He went back to a wrestling tournament. He won the next match and the last one would determine his place. Trophy versus medal. He went out with a smile on his face. That match was gruesome. Last 15 seconds ref rewards a turn-over tying the match. L1 lost in overtime and tears streamed down his face. At that moment I felt the defeat of his day. He is 9 years old and I felt every bit of his defeat. He lost today.
How do I process this? There are mothers who are grieving because they have Christmas presents that their precious babies will not be able to open. My heart aches for every mother who lost their beautiful children. And at the same time, I have to celebrate my own precious soul...who never gives up no matter what. My own little hero. I know that in some people's eyes it is just sports. But it isn't just sports...it's life. It's the loss of a job or a loved one. It's the moment when you have been beaten but you refuse to admit defeat. It's the kid in all of us who says...we deserve more. We will fight for more. We will never surrender. We will never accept defeat. Thank you to our armed forces who never give up the fight. Thank you to the teachers who battle the odds every day. And thank you to the parents. We are parents. We are all cheering. We are all working hard every single day. There is a mom who is kissing her son tonight. Her son beat mine. She is kissing him in congratulations and I am kissing mine in consolation. It doesn't matter...because we are all moms. And there are mothers tonight who can't kiss their little ones. Dear ones...I am so sorry. So, so sorry!
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