Hit Like If You Are A Victim

I had a conversation with my son tonight that I wish I never had to have. And yet, I decided to blog. Because sometimes we are all too quiet. Yeah, I see the "hit like" on facebook if you are a victim, etc. and I can't vouch for any of those people with those cardboard signs. I know that I don't wear a sign. A mask, maybe, but not a sign. I wrote about the night he had to have "The Talk" and I was so worried. I certainly didn't want to be the one who told him about sex. He is my baby.

But this was different. This very important little boy is leaving my care for a week. I have never even let him go to summer camp and now I have to put him on a plane. I have gone through every scenario I can think of as an example. I remember when he was so tiny and I had to teach him about strangers. He was really into Thomas the Tank Engine so I told him bad guys were like Diesel 10. It was easier then. Of course, he still thought he could beat up every bad guy, but at least our acting scenarios were a little different.

The scene changes when you have to say that Diesel 10 might be someone you trust.

When we hear about a news story that involves child molestation, it's easy to post a rant about the "monster." But we never hold our own cardboard sign, do we? We hide behind our education, our job, the masks that cover so many people.

So when my son starts to cry because he thinks I don't want him to have any fun...I have to make a decision. What side am I on? I don't want to tell him about the danger because the only way he will believe me is if I tell him the truth. But I have worked hard to keep him from the truth my entire life. What are my options? I don't want to be looking at him from the other side. The side where he has already been hurt and I am trying to explain why it had to happen and why I didn't see it coming and I couldn't protect him.

If you are reading this, you are cringing for one of two reasons. One, you know exactly what I am talking about. Most of you have. I have talked to a lot of people who were victims of abuse. We lead normal lives. We might mistrust men a little bit more, or maybe like the wrong men a little too much. But we are out there. We don't talk about it. You can't tell just by looking at us and that is how we want it. Even now I won't tell you my story because it is MY burden. I have to deal with it. For a long time, I did not. I never even thought about it. I thought I could forget it and I could be a different girl who never had to remember. I don't hold cardboard signs.

But maybe you are reading and you think this is too much info. You don't think I should share. It isn't appropriate. I would have agreed with you until tonight.

Because my little boy can't imagine that anyone would want to hurt him. And I finally can't use trains to get around the truth. I have to tell him that I know it can happen and not because I read it in a book. And I have to tell him what to do.

Wait...what to do. What do we do? I know you won't answer. We pretend we can pretend. I said the word "predator." I had to define it. And I had to tell him without telling him. I know I scared him. But I would rather prepare him than have him be unprepared and scared. Because they always use fear, don't they. Don't tell anyone or you are bad.

I know this is a difficult one to read. But it's also a difficult one to live. So I write so that others can know and that I can mean it when I tell my son that if anyone hurts him, he has to TELL. So I have to be brave enough to tell too, right? I'm a big girl now, but I still get a feeling that people will look at me differently. I think he will have a fabulous week. I really do. But I also have to prepare him because NO ONE should ever hurt a child. Because that pain never goes away.

In the past, I just took the train that went anywhere but where I was. Now I know that I can take whatever train I want because I can handle wherever I go. Victim? Survivor? Woman?

I am just a mother. And if telling my story means my son knows how to protect himself, then I'll talk. Not because it's Every place, but because it's Some place. And I am not willing to take the chance. If you are a victim, don't be afraid to talk. And if you are a parent, don't be afraid to talk. More importantly, be there to listen. And you don't have to hit "like" if you agree.